Sexy, Sultry, Sensuous Susie Suh

If life is my battlefield then I'm prepared for battle.

If I were a man, I would stalk Susie Suh. If I were gay, I would stalk Susie Suh. For now, I'll just pine and listen and dream. Susie is wonderful.

Susie Suh sings, pours, oozes. Tender. Sad. Personal. Wistful. Hopeful. Vulnerable. Honest.

Introspective songs bring submerged feelings of the past closer to the surface.

Susie Suh knows and sings from heart and soul with an urgent sexuality, both sensual and pure.

How does one sing of hope and pain and yet remain so young?

How does one display an open and world-weary heart without having traveled life's rougher roads?

Susie is a California girl of Korean heritage, singing and performing since elementary school. An older brother gave Susie a guitar at age 13. Soon she was learning chords and writing.

Writing songs as a teenager? Avril Lavigne never put her heart so far out on her sleeve.

Susie went to Brown University and holds a degree in English, not music. Her life degree is a doctorate in historical emotional evocation. With honors.

"Your Battlefield" is a plaintive redux to the countless battles of relationship 'he said, she said.' "Shell" (from the movie Must Love Dogs) journeys from then to now with the tender force of a newborn robin leaving the tortuous constraints of a powder blue shell, to enter a whole new world.

And she's hungry.

My favorite is the raucous "Lucile." With apologies to Kenny Rogers, this Lucille befriends the side of a wild and adventurous Susie not evident in her youth.

What does she say about her own music and success? "My mission has always been to create music that transcends boundaries; to make music that is universal."

What Susie does is give us the ability to transcend the boundaries of our own musical tastes, rooted in the past, and tempt our collective palates with a bounty; delectable morsels of song and soul.

I'm in love with contemporary music. Again.

Susie and her music can be found at SusieSuh.

Why Do Models Walk That Way?

There must be a reason why someone so beautiful would learn to walk so strange.

With apologies to Anheuser-Busch's Budweiser beer, today's fashion shows are cluttered with beautiful Clydesdales. Seemingly gorgeous models strut their six foot, 100-pound frames down a runway and look like sultry horses.

Why do models walk that way? What way? You know, like, that way. The way models walk. Why?

My friend Barbara Marie Hambi (Bambi) was a model in her younger and thinner days. Before food and all the love-hate relationships.

She says some models are gifted and have a natural 'gait.' Others have to be taught, and some top runway models have walking 'coaches.'

Tough work, if you can find it.

There's the "Versace walk." It's kind of a va-va-voom and shake it walk.

There's the "Street walk." Bambi says Street means no swish; more like how people walk on the street in New York. Cold and quick.

There are variations of the street, some less exaggerated; probably tailored for Cleveland styles (is there such a thing?).

Most models on the runway, at least, those I've seen when tagging along with my taller and more socially adept blonde buddy, have a swagger.

No, make that an 'haughty swagger; as if they mean to walk right up to you, step on your toes, swish, reverse course and stride into the sunset.

Without blinking; in love only with themselves.

I can't find an answer for the "why?" Bambi says a walk is important, must be within certain 'accepted' parameters for style and grace; you got it or you don't.

Shrug. Some runway models look like they've been force fed raw spinach greens and lima beans along with their daily portion of gruel; then told they'll get Hostess cupcakes and a box of Little Debbie cakes if they walk the walk (whatever that is).

I've seen the Clydesdale horses at the Anheuser-Busch brewery in St. Louis. They're beautiful animals. Runway models walk the same way.

Even without the fashion and perfect skin, they're beautiful animals. If I had skin like that I'd be in love with me, too.

Is iTunes Music Store Too Cool For You?

What's hot on iTunes Music Store is not what's hot on my iPod.

I'm an early adopter and bought the original five gigabyte iPod way back when. I purchased and downloaded music from the iTunes Music Store when it opened. Since then, I've lost my mojo. Am I no longer iPod cool?

Yes, I check the iTunes Music Store (iTMS) from time to time. Since the store opened I've purchased nearly $1,500 in music, music videos, and TV shows for my Mac and iPod.

Not only did I buy songs from artists that I loved when I was young(er), but iTMS opened me up to new sounds and gave me a chance to celebrate music with a greater selection.

That's cool, right? I've paid my iPod dues. So, where did my mojo go? It must be gone because I'm having a hard time finding artists that I've heard of on iTMS.

No, let me take that back. It's not difficult to find them. I just don't know who all the others are.

For example, right now on the iTunes Music Store home page is Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits (I've got them), Andrea Bocelli's Amore (I swoon), Alabama, and Lisa Loeb. Lisa who?

Uh oh. I can also pre-order Jack Johnson's newest album. Jack who? See what I mean?

I love music videos. The selection at iTMS is anemic. I'm anemic, too, but it's a medical condition, not a statement of inventory.

iTMS' Top 100 music videos is a mixed bag of artists I've never heard, a few I've heard of and never scene or heard, and missing the ones I want.

At the top today is 'Dance, Dance' by Fall Out Boy. Uh huh. Ok. Who? At #4 is Jessica Simpson's 'These Boots Are Made For Walkin.' Jessica's hotter than Nancy Sinatra was at the same age. Nancy's father was a better singer than Jessica's father.

Where's Shania Twain's, 'Man. I Feel Like A Woman.' It'll be a gift for a friend who pines oveer Shania's toy boys.

TV shows from iTMS are hot and so is Apple's iPod with video. I've managed to pick up a few episodes of 'Desperate Housewives' and 'Battlestar Galactica.' I love Steve Carell, but can't handle 'The Office.'

I downloaded a few Saturday Night Live classic skits. 'Samurai' anything is great stuff, no matter your generation.

The Top TV Shows? Uh oh. I'm lost. Dane Cook? I need to stay up later and get aquainted with a new generation. It's tough enough to break in the new kids at SNL. Why is 'Jackass, Episode 1' in the Top 10?

What? Lewis Black didn't even make the Top 10? That's a travesty. Or an indication of a widening generation gap. Hey, I'm an adult. I have an iPod. I buy from iTMS.

Doesn't that make me cool? Apparently not. I don't have one epsidoe of South Park and wouldn't think of downloading an episode entitled, 'Catman Gets An Anal Probe.'

If you're a generation or two removed from the generation that's hot and hip, does that make you less than cool? No. Apple's iTunes Music Store is a bridge for all ages.

I can stay in my pajamas and browse all day long. Try that at Wal-Mart or Tower Records or Sam Goody. Regardless, I've figured out why more of what sells actually sells to yonger generations.

It's not because they're cool. It's not because I've lost my cool. It's a scientific effect heretofore dubbed 'The Patricks Reverse Cascading Effect.™'

Cascading downward from older to younger, each generation has more time to browse, shop, and define what's cool than previous generations.

It's not that we're not cool, we just don't have the time.

Gambling Drug Cure vs. Placebo "Cure"

Gambling is a national pastime and a national problem. Is there a cure?

Cure gambling? Take a pill. Reduce your weight? Take a pill? Get more energy? Take a pill. I say, 'Take a placebo.'

I was watching the TV news tonight when I saw a report on a potential cure for gambling. A pill.

The results of a study show that daily doses of an experimental drug called nalmefene, sometimes used to treat alcoholism, appears to curb the gambling appetite.

Celebrity Poker beware. I'll bet your ratings will fall.

If you're a gambler, take heed. Assuming you want a cure for your gambling habits, odds are good that a pill for you is just around the corner.

In four months of controlled tests, as reported in the LA Times, about 65-percent of gambling patients who took nalmefene showed "significant" improvement toward a cure for gambling. See?

There's hope for Celebrity Poker victims everywhere.

Of course, once the drug is approved to treat compulsive gamblers, I'll bet you the price goes up substantially. Nalmefene has been used to treat alcoholism. There are plenty of cures for that.

What if your health insurance doesn't cover gambling treatment? What if you're poor and don't have a drinking problem?

Not to worry. According to the results of the tests, about 35-percent of gambling patients in the study also show significant improvement just by taking a placebo.

Take the placebo. It's cheaper, and works about half as often as the real thing. That's good odds.

I'll give you three to one that gamblers who can't get the real thing can get the placebo on eBay. Even if it costs half as much as the real drug, you're still ahead.

Cartoon Ran, Editor Fired, Muslims Angered

Live and let live does not have a good life expectancy in the Mideast.

Freedom of speech is one thing. Freedom to terrorize is something else. If you can call me ugly am I free to threaten to kill you? Or fire you? A cartoon in a Danish newspaper draws the conflict strings closer together.

Newspapers throughout Europe have republished controversial images of the Muslim prophet Muhammad. The cartoon images originated in a Danish newspaper and started a firestorm of conflict and threats between the Muslim community and citizens of other countries in Europe.

What is going on? Freedom of speech is being exercised, both good and bad. Oh, there's jet lag, too.

Apparently, the offensive images of Muhammad were published back in September by the conservative Danish newspaper Jylands Posten. Slow readers of the world took offense. Slowly. Call it literary jet lag.

By February, other European newspaper editors were republishng the offensive cartoon images as a defense of freedom of speech and expression amid threats from the Muslim community.

Jefferson Morley of the Washington Post reports that the editor of the newspaper France Soir was fired by the paper's owner, an Egyptian, who apologized to the Muslims.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch in Palestine (I couldn't find it on a map), militants threatened to make martyrs of members of Denmark and Norway's diplomatic core. So much for diplomatic immunity.

Taking cues from the French, officials in Norway surrendered, uh, er... issued a quick apology (from a September 2005 event).

Deputy State Secretary for Foreign Affairs Raymond Johansen said, "this is unfortunate and regrettable." Especially the part about Muslims punishing the offenders and boycotting Danish products.

Do Danish hams sell well in the Mideast?

Of concern to many is the statement from Hizbullah leader Sayyed Hassan Nasrallah, ""We must be prepared to do anything for the defense of the dignity of our Prophet Mohammed."

"Anything?" See why the world is in a mess? Freedom of speech and terroristic threatening don't walk hand in hand.

I still can't find that cartoon.

When You're Not An American Idol

Count me as one of the tens of millions who watch American Idol. I just shake my head.

American Idol started a new season in January and quickly became the top rated TV show. Again. As it was last year, this year's early season displays few of the potential Idols and most of the Idol wannabes. 15 minutes of fame is reduced to 60 seconds, but it's on national TV.

For those of us watching, it should be obvious that many Idol contestants are not expecting to be selected for the trip to Hollywood, despite theatrics and choice phrases directed at the judges.

Cursing, threats, boasts, promises, tears, and fingers, and a once-in-awhile polite, "thank you" is what you hear from the Idol losers.

Their 15 minutes of fame is just 60 seconds of bewilderment, astonishment, surprise, and disappointment. I'm bewildered. The judges are surprised. The Idol contestants are disappointed.

Fortunately, the whole thing lasts only 60 seconds. We get a laugh, shed a tear or two ("how can anyone sing that badly and get that far?"), and watch again the next night.

What amazes me is not that some Idol contestants really want to get sent to Hollywood, it's that some think they should go because they think they have talent when they clearly do not.

That's remarkable, though the self righteous indignation of some contestants may explain the whole Blue state, Red state thing.

Seriously. If you can't sing, you can't sing, but someone needsd to tell you that before you get to the first round audition. Otherwise, the more colorful of the Can't Sing Crowd become water cooler fodder (that's a mixed metaphor whose time has come and gone) the next day.

So far this season we're being entertained more by those who can't sing than by those who can. American Idol's ratings are up over last year.

What's that say? It says we love winners. But we love watching losers lose.